the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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