would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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