a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
