mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
