Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
