Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
