I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize