yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
