I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
