sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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