I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
