I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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