She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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