We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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