I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize