I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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