How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
