no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
