I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
