i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
