eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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