Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
