...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
