why didn't you poke me back
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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