When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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