There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
