she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
