Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
