so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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