First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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