I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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