I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
