Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
