I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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