i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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