Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
