its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
