Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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