Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
