I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
