In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
