Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
