I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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