im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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