Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
