I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
