you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
