And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
