the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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