is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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