No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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