Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
