Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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