this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
