ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
