Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
