Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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