It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
