wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
