paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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