You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
