dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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