she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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