he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
