Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
