I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
