She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
