real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
