i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
