if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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