I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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