You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
