just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize