Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just sent this text using only my big toe
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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