just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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