DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
